Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Three L's: Love

"And the greatest of these is Love."

Two years ago today, on the hottest day on record in Lexington, Virginia, I married my best friend. I got to marry the only man I have ever loved, the only man I have ever kissed, the only man I have ever dated. And the best part is that I get to keep loving, kissing and dating him for the rest of my life.

I have learned more about love since I married Jacob Spencer than I ever had in my entire life before that. One thing in particular that I have learned is that love has a lot to do with laughter. My husband is the only person in the world who can make me laugh when I'm upset or angry. It is so infuriating to be made to laugh when I am really angry that I cannot help but want to tackle him and punch him in the face. But I can't tackle and punch him because he is bigger than me (and that would be really horrible and wrong), so I use pillows instead. Then, I realize that I am smacking my husband with pillows (not the most becoming use of my time), which makes me even angrier. So, I laugh harder and eventually I can't be upset and angry anymore (even though really I still am).

I'm pretty sure he makes me laugh because he loves me. He knows that if I am laughing, then I am not crying or yelling. Then, we can actually have the conversation we need to have about the problem we are having in the way we need to have it (which is with laughter and love, not crying and yelling.) Very wise man, my husband.

We find other things to laugh about as well. There is a joy in loving someone this much that can only be expressed in laughter. We laugh because we are in love and sometimes it's all we can do. It sounds ridiculous. It is. It's pretty funny to laugh because we are in love and to know how ridiculous we are to be laughing for no other reason. So, we laugh.

This is not to say that we do not have problems or never get frustrated with each other, treat each other poorly or make mistakes. Of course we do! (See the anger and the crying and the yelling up above). We are human. We are inherently sinful. We make all kinds of stupid mistakes. But part of love and marriage is learning that you can still love someone despite their (and your own) mistakes and flaws. For me, this is all about grace.

God has been gracious to me. I get into all kinds of scrapes, I doubt, I am selfish. There is nothing inherently good or worthy about me. I am not saying this to be self-depracating. This is the TRUTH. But God is gracious and loving toward me anyway, simply because that is who He is. That is what He did through His Son. I have been given a gift that I don't deserve (that's why it's a gift). And when I pause for a moment and am reminded that I've been given this gift, I can love my husband even when he doesn't deserve it. My husband can love me. We love because He first loved us. This has nothing to do with how loving or lovable we are. It has everything to do with this gift of grace.

I think there is also a big disconnect sometimes between loving someone and the expression of that love. I love my husband, but often in my marriage I have forgotten (or just simply refused due to laziness or conflict) to show my love for him in tangible ways. I'm working on it. And I can't wait to work on it for another year.


  1. I hope you will stay in love forever. Happy anniversary!

  2. I agree that many people choose to accept the fact that they love someone as enough, rather than taking the extra step and demonstrating their love in a tangible way. Sometimes it is inconvenient or challenging, but it is always worth it. I love that you are taking the time to reflect on your relationship with your husband; it is destined to make that relationship even stronger. Happy Anniversary to you both!

  3. Laughter truly is a healing balm - a gift of relational joy!
    You are a treasure, my daughter.